Sometimes I just

by Lorin Michel Thursday, August 25, 2016 10:18 PM

The world rushes through the internet at a breakneck pace. News and innuendo, provocative and often misleading headlines posing as click-bait. We all succumb, some more than others; some days more often than others. Things change so quickly it’s hard to keep up. Often times, it’s not worth trying because in a blink, they’ve changed again. We are all permanently connected, remarkably without wires, to instant access news and entertainment and more. We stream NPR. We are treated to wondrous stories, human interest stories, frightening stories. 

And more and more and more and more and more.

Sometimes I just have to ignore it all. Sometimes I just have to listen to nothing. Sometimes I just sit at my desk in the afternoon and look out in amazement. There are mountains in the distance, in every direction. The floor is green, populated with cactus and white and terra cotta roofs, the occasional tin corral. Clouds smudge the sky and a thin mist, like fog, rises from the heated desert as the last of the moisture escapes up. 

Sometimes I just have to absorb the beauty of it. Sometimes I just have to marvel at my life, what it has become, at where we live. 

I sat at my desk this afternoon and listened to the constant click of the clock on my wall. Each second perfectly measured. I waited for it to be 5:30 so I could shower. I waited for the day to be over so that I could pretend to not do anything for a few hours even while my brain continues to work, while my fingers continue to move over an invisible keyboard. 

I watched a car roll in quietly. I marveled when it disappeared into the vortex, a space along the road where cars disappear. Sometimes they come out; sometimes they don’t. I don’t know where they go. There is only one driveway in the vortex and not everyone can go there. Can they? 

The ceiling fan above me whirred softly, almost imperceptibly. The sun began to drift down toward the western horizon and as it did, my office began to heat up and me with it. I always think of the frog story when this happens, about the water coming to a boil and the poor frog not realizing it until it’s too late. I hope that’s just a myth. Most summer afternoons I don’t feel like it is. I am the frog. My office is the water. Sometimes I just have to go with it.

I heard a sigh and a small bluster and I peered around the corner of my desk. My office mate, the ever present Riley, was sleeping. Feet running and going no where but in his dreams. His breathing slightly agitated. 

I watched him as his feet slowed. His breathing followed. Soon he was just sleeping quietly. I thought about how nice, how easy it would be to come back in my next life as a dog with a good owner in a nice house.

Sometimes I just have to absorb the beauty, the wonder and the pure joy that is this life, with this dog, in this time. Sometimes, I just know how blessed I am. Sometimes I remember.

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live out loud

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