The pinkish gray of the light

by Lorin Michel Saturday, March 28, 2015 11:54 PM

This morning we left the house before 6 am. Cooper had another very bad night with very labored breathing so we decided a trip to Emergency was warranted. We were pretty sure he had pneumonia. The air was cool - 44 degrees according to the car, on its way to 90 something today. 

As we were driving across River the sky to the east was glowing and bright, gray and white with a hint of yellow, the day to come, the day dawning. As the sky started to come alive the landscape was pinkish gray, flat, two dimensional, like a painting. The green of the desert masked the gray of the asphalt magnified.

It mirrored the flatness we felt, making yet another trip to the hospital with our boy who stubbornly refuses to get better. 

And yet we couldn't allow ourselves to succumb because there was so much to do. A gallery show to get ready for, a trip to Costco, a house to clean and further unpack for the party tonight. A celebration.

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. I struggle with finding those reasons sometimes. When my dad died I remember my mother, who knows that I search, asking me what I thought the reason for his death was. I told her I was sure it was so Scott, my brother, would finally have to make it on his own. My dad would never have been able to tell my brother "no more."

As we sat in the waiting room, waiting on test results, I wondered about the reason for it all, for why Cooper has been so sick, especially now, for why this was happening on Roy's special day. I have to admit I was at a bit of a loss. Perhaps it was the universe testing our resolve. Perhaps it was karma. So much good has been happening for so long, this was to humble us.

Perhaps it was so that we can finally get our boy better once and for all. And perhaps it's because there is too much going on and it would have been difficult to have him around all the people at the party tonight.

Perhaps because in the pinkish gray light of day, this is what it means to be alive, to care for someone, to have your heart broken; to be human. If so, then I'll celebrate that and hope that our boy will be living it out loud and nutty again soon.


live out loud

Comments (1) -

3/29/2015 7:56:09 AM #

I hope Cooper gets better soon! Beautiful imagery, Lorin. Hang in there.

Larissa United States

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